I almost regret speaking publicly about my financial problems.  I say almost because in spite of the backlash, sharing my problems turned out to be a great decision.  I’ve received more support than I ever imagined, and things are really starting to look up.  To those of you who used my debt as a fuel to criticize me, go fuck yourself! ^_^  I’m not even going to address the negativity anymore.  I’m not going to cater to the childish jealousy, rumors, insults.  I have a wonderful fan base that deserves my attention far more.  To those of you who have chipped in, I’ll never be able to express my gratitude appropriately.  I wish I could reach out and hug you.  Thanks to a little extra hard work, generous donations, and an all around better attitude, I will be making a very large payment on a credit card this week.  I have money left over to pay all of my bills on time, for groceries & other necessities.

I may have mentioned I had an unexpected hospital visit during the summer.  That set me back a bit with my debt, but the medical bills are almost paid off.  I finally feel like I’m making some progress.  My site is doing good, my debt is being chipped away, and I feel like somehow I’m becoming a better person every day.  It might be some time before I’ll have the type of lifestyle I hope for, but I think I might be able to buy a house as soon as one year from now.  It’s crazy how debt can weigh you down and kill your motivation.  I admit, I hate not being able to spend the money I earn on fun stuff.  I’m so grateful that I have such generous fans.  Donations & wish list gifts keep me from having nothing.  My memberships are building up, as well as my paychecks.  I won’t hold my breath hoping for a life of luxury, but I see now that being comfortable is within my reach.  I’m also somewhat bi polar, so don’t be surprised if I’m crying about how much life sucks next week.  I always get over it.

For the past couple of weeks, my face has looked like this.  Don’t mind the gross wet tangled hair.  Imagine a better happy face actually.  I look kinda stoned or sleepy here.  Yesterday was a casual day of camming.

I’m so eager for my next tattoo appointment!  Which by the way, is also financed thanks to someone who wanted me to have it.  Again I was asked why I’m spending money on tattoos while I’m in debt.  Haha, so predictable!  I might have financial problems, but I totally admit I’m spoiled rotten. <3 I’m not even bragging, I’m gushing.  If someone gave you money to spend on something you want, you’d do it too.

Yesterday I made the most amazing fried calamari I’ve ever had.  I had a salad and a power bar earlier in the day, so that’ll be my excuse for eating fried food.  ^_^  I know I know, bad excuse.  I’ll never be able to give up my goodies!  I just need to work out more.

I used this recipe by Giada De Laurentiis, with a few little changes.  I used beaten egg before flouring to make a slightly thicker batter.  Also I added some grated parmesan to the flour mixture, because I’m a glutton.  It turned out absolutely delicious!  I’m sure leaving out the egg and cheese would’ve resulted in a lighter recipe, but honestly I never seem to have a problem gaining weight from fatty foods.  It’s the flour that was a no no.  For those of you who only have had the typical fried rings, (that part is the body)  you have to try the tentacles.  They’re the best part.  Kinda cute too, so I feel guilty for enjoying nomming down on them.

I used ready to cook cleaned squid, but I rinsed it again after chopping it up just to be safe.  When you fry squid, you have to make sure your oil is the right temperature and never overcook.  Overcooking results in tough rubber bands rather than tender rings.  Ick!  It’s a time consuming dish to make because you have to fry in small batches, but pretty simple overall.  I think I might make it as an appetizer for Christmas dinner.

I’m so mad at myself for not using my good camera, but I’ve only taken it out for bigger projects so far.

The pics below are from last Halloween.  I’m not sure if I’ll have the time or money to do anything special this year, but I will try my best.  I don’t really want to do a costume, and if I do I want to make it myself.  I’m tired of the same old costume  in a bag type get ups.  I do love shopping in Halloween stores though.  Maybe I’ll stock up on special effect make up for shoots later.  I try to hit up the stores when stuff is on clearance.

I decided to keep the kitten.  In fact I wish I had the money, time, and space to take in more unwanted animals.  I really don’t have the money or room for one more cat as it is.  My apartment allows 2 pets maximum.  They never check, so I’m sure I’m ok.  I’ll do what I have to,  and go without to make sure my critters have a great life.  I’ve been calling the kitten Johnny Wiggles,  Wiggles, or Mr. Wiggles all while thinking he’d be adopted by someone else.  I have to get him to the vet soon, and have his little noogies cut off.   Other than that,  cats and ferrets really aren’t expensive.  I can’t imagine I spend more than $150 on food and litter each month between all of my critters, and that’s for good quality stuff.  Much cheaper than a human baby!

Today I went out with my family.  My Grandma, Mom, Sister & I did our shopping & thrifting.  I found a really cute jacket, and two shirts for $5 total.  I also found an awesome pair of pink cowboy boots.  Yes, cowboy.  They were a mens US size 5.5, but a bit too large.  I probably would’ve bought them if they fit.  I’m a little grossed out by the thought of wearing used shoes, even if they look new.  I would if I liked them enough, after attacking them with an anti fungal spray.  I need to find a heavier coat & warmer boots before the Michigan winter weather hits.

Sometimes I get so lucky in these thrift stores.  I love shopping second hand, because I end up with stuff that no one else is wearing at the time.  And of course, it’s super cheap.  You’d be surprised by how many wealthy people shop in these places, (but will never admit it).  My very well off Aunt loves to shop at Value World, but pretends she’s there to donate or find a costume if she ever bumps into a neighbor.  And the neighbor always has a similar excuse.  In fact, she’s so ashamed of shopping second hand that she refuses to go to any local thrift shops anymore.  That sort of attitude disgusts me.

I made my coconut dream bars, with a pecan streusel crust.  We were calling them gooey blow your load bars.  They turned out delicious, but super rich & sweet.  I bet my food would look more appetizing if I used my good camera instead of my iPhone camera, but I’m scared of getting it dirty.  So I stuffed myself a lot today, and fuck I forgot to take a picture of my Grandma’s hummingbird cake.  >_<   I did take a picture of my big fatty Mexican lunch.

I’ve been spending a lot less time online, and I’ll continue to spend less and less time online outside of signing on to make money.  It’s become apparent that I’ve built this ridiculous imaginary social life around people who don’t give a shit about me.  I need to be around my family & people who truly care.  If I could move on 100%, and turn all of this bullshit off I would. I’m not happy, things are going no where.  No one can help me, no one will help me.  I’m so lost.  Moving on.

I’m starting to love tumblr as much as I love Twitter.  More even.  I don’t have a fancy layout or anything, but I do upload pics there regularly. And lemme tell ya, there’s no shortage of hot naked chicks over there. Let’s tumble together!  Go follow me.

I’m trying to eat really super healthy for a while, & clean out my system.  I think I may have gained a few pounds, which doesn’t really make me feel any less attractive.  It makes me sluggish, and my clothes are uncomfortable.  It’ll only take me a week or so to lose, but I’m going to try a lot of healthy home cooked meals.

Tonight I made something super yummy.  Broiled salmon with fresh lemon & dill.  Oh so simple to cook, but absolutely delicious if you use really good salmon fillets.  I can’t force down salmon when it’s chewy like leather.  This stuff melted in my mouth.  The rice dish on the side is brown rice that I cooked in vegetable stock.  Then I added sauteed mushrooms, onion, parsley, garlic, and a bit of sea salt and black pepper.  I can’t believe how wonderful everything tasted, without adding a ton of fat or sauces.  The portions in this pic look really huge, but I use small plates.  I swear it makes me eat smaller servings.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I stopped eating meat.  Well I did, although I still consider fish meat I suppose.  I don’t think of myself as vegetarian.  I was a very strict vegetarian/vegan for several years, even on and off in elementary school.  In my late teens I went through a dark period, and I just stopped caring.  I became a very apathetic person, and I saw no point in not eating meat when everyone around me was.  I also started binge eating a lot.  Something made me want to change that recently.  I guess the people in my life are more supportive of my beliefs and convictions.  I’m happier with my current living situation, even though I complain about my job and money problems a lot.

As I’ve said before, I do believe humans are meant to be omnivorous.  I don’t agree with the way animals are farmed, and slaughtered.  I don’t agree with the waste and cruelty in the meat industry.  While I don’t want to seem as though I’m naive to the fishing industry, or I find the life of a fish less valuable than any other creature,  it just doesn’t bother me as much.  I spent every summer of my childhood fishing with my father.  I baited the hook, I caught the fish, I helped my father kill and clean the fish, and yes we cooked and ate our catch. Many generations of our family did the same.  It fed my Great Grandfathers family during the depression.  I could never behead a chicken, hunt a deer, or slaughter a pig or cow.  Which is why I can no longer justify eating those animals.  I’m going to eat fish sparingly, and try to keep healthy eating habits.  I’m not much of an extremist, but I feel good about this.  I like balance.

Violet wants a violet wand, for sexual purposes.  Also they look pretty cool, and the name is fitting don’t ya think?  The actual wand is expensive, but the  electrodes aren’t too bad.  They come in a lot of shapes and pretty colors.  I can think of a few fun things to do with them.

I’m taking a break from some of my responsibilities, including member chats.   I’ll be returning once the chat room is updated and everything works smoothly.   I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.  Private matters I’d rather not speak of right now.  My site will be updating as normal during my break, and I’ll be back in action before ya know it.

I’m long over due for a “thank you” blog.  I’ve been spoiled quite a bit lately.  Most of the time I prefer to make special private videos or pic sets for those who spoil me, which will be coming soon for some of you.  I think you guys deserve a shout out as well.

Mike, you’ve already received your Violet lovins, but I cannot thank you enough for the most generous gift anyone has ever given me. <3  You changed my life.  You’re a helluva guy, and I’m glad you’ve followed me throughout my crazy cam girl career.

Thank you Rob, for getting me a lens for my camera.  A very useful and generous gift, and I didn’t think anyone would buy it to be honest.  It should be arriving any day now!  Can’t wait to take my first pics. ^_^  Muah!

Thank you to the duo, Cris and Matt for the awesome t-shirts and the donation.  (:  Such a special surprise in my PO Box, that made me smile.  Thank you for showing up to so many of my silly member chats, regardless of me being a big depressing loser face. You two are the best!

Masahiro, you’re always so giving without ever asking for anything in return.  You’re very kind to the models you adore, and we adore you just as much!  Thank you for the sexy outfits, the generous tips, and the sweet messages.  You make me laugh, and warm my heart.  ♡

Chris(t), we have amazing chats.  You’re great to talk to, you’ve made several of my hellish work nights easier.  You made my chipin look less pathetic, and you raped my wish list more than once.  You make camming easy, because it’s always fun with you.

Markus, you’ve made some very generous donations towards my debt out of no where.  Totally unexpected, but so appreciated. You also offered some really great advice in my time of need.  Thank you so much for contributing. (: You wanted to help me in spite of your own debt, which says a lot about your character.

Nate we haven’t spoken in a while, but I haven’t forgotten you!  I loved your awesome surprise packages from Gaum, and you’ve sent me quite the cam girl wardrobe.  You’re a sweetheart with great taste, and you made my tummy happy!

If I’ve forgotten anyone, I’m sorry.  I’m not trying to make anyone feel left out, don’t hate me.  I’m a spoiled brat, and some of these guys really got my attention.  Most importantly, they understand the concept of a gift being a gift.  They don’t hound me for anything in return.  I do love and appreciate each and every one of my members.  You don’t have to throw your money at me to be a good fan.  If you can’t afford to buy a membership to my site,  spread the viorotica word!  If you can’t afford to spoil me,  just show up to my chats from time to time.  A good audience is always encouraging.

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DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE GODSGIRLS MEMBERSHIP GIVE AWAY CONTEST!!!!

I arrived home a bit late at 3:45am this morning. The weekend was fast paced and alcohol free, but a bit of a blur considering I was completely sober.

Denny’s makes a delicious Boca burger. That place is a haven for drunkards at 3am on a Saturday morning. I just wanted to enjoy my meal, and instead I lost half my hearing and caught a glimpse of some girls crotch. She was very tall, her dress was very short, and she may have been a prostitute. Anyway it’s a convenient place to eat when you’re an insomniac, because it’s open 24 hours.

The bat mitzvah party was cute. The obnoxious herd of screaming 13 year olds were overwhelming, but it was nice to see family.  It was in a park and the weather was beautiful.  Always good to have an excuse to spend time outside on a nice day.

The ceremony was interesting.   I  strongly dislike religion, but we were there to celebrate something that was important to people I care about.  Mostly a tradition, and more about family and heritage than religion.  It reminded me of church a little bit.  I have all kinds of hatred and bitterness towards church.  Bad memories.

Boca burger & fries

I ate like four of these.

I know caffeine addiction isn’t serious, but it makes me seriously ill.  The symptoms I wake up with from time to time are not worth the temporary energy boost.  A day of strong coffee drinks leads to a morning of intense head aches and vomiting.  I forget that the withdrawal effects can kick in over night, and I wake up feeling like I have a migraine and a flu bug.   Maybe I’m more sensitive than most when it comes to caffeine.  Either way, I’ve decided to kick the coffee and other caffeinated beverages for a bit.  I need to detox.