This is a photo from today. Excuse the hair, I just finished a bath chat. My face is close to normal, besides some asymmetry that I’d rather not draw attention to at this point. Some of you have already seen it on cam, because I’m too exhausted to try to hide it. It might be temporary, there’s no way of knowing. I’m pretty worried, but trying to stay positive. It’s most apparent in my left eye & smile, but it has improved & I do still have movement.
And below is the horror I dealt with for three weeks. This is after I took medication for the swelling, it was actually much worse initially. I woke up this way unexpectedly one morning. It wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced random swelling, but never this scary. I wasn’t going to post this, but I’m pretty fed up with people making me out to be a greedy bitch. I only asked for help because I truly needed help. I’ve been struggling with what I thought was minor health problems for years, including kidney infections, extreme fatigue, depression, joint pain, and migraines. I always brushed it off as nothing serious. All common issues in somewhat healthy people, right? Now I might have a paralyzed face, which could end my modeling career.
I am not looking for your pity. I didn’t even want to go public with this. Really it’s no one’s business, and who wants to fantasize about a sick person? I don’t mean to whine. I’m not terminally ill. I have symptoms I’ll have to deal with more cautiously in the future, but I could be much worse off. I’m only posting this, because people responded to my situation very harsh accusations and assumptions. I’m not just suffering with a flu bug, I’ve been fighting something that has kept me from my work. I’ve spent more time hiding in bed than living life this month. I’m not complaining, the rest was overdue. I learned a valuable lesson about paying attention to my body when I’m not well.
I don’t know if I’ll ever shoot again. The thought of losing my smile has me pretty down. I’d really like to go to Phoenix & see my friends next week, but I’m very self conscious of my face right now. I don’t think I’d allow myself smile or laugh the entire time. If I go I won’t be able to drink either, which isn’t so bad. I don’t miss alcohol much. Maybe getting away would be good for me.
I need to get far ahead with work so I’m prepared if another episode like this happens. It’s not going to be easy, & I doubt I’ll do anything beyond web cam for a long time. It’s pretty depressing, because I had big shoot plans coming up. I guess I’ll have to see how I look in another few weeks.
So here it is. I’m not going to hide, or feel bad about something that was out of my control. If you want to use this as fuel against me, you’re a much uglier person than I was when this photo was taken. Phone pics aren’t very flattering to begin with, but I was pretty deformed looking. I also had a red rash on my face, and plenty of splotchiness from my skin being stretched beyond comfort. I was swollen from my eyes to my jaw, possibly my forehead too. Even my nose was larger & mishapen. My already naturally big lips were huge beyond anything attractive, and my eyes were swollen half shut several hours previous to this picture.
Imagine waking up like this one morning with absolutely no answers. I look like someone beat me in the face, or plastic surgery gone wrong. My loved ones said it looked as if I was wearing movie make up. I kind of look like a monkey girl too. I guess I can laugh at that. *^_^* I used the scarf to hide my face.
